Parenting Skills: Eyes of the Tiger

Ross and Margie did not consider themselves expert parents. They were quick to say, "We didn't do much, we were lucky and had good kids to start with." I asked Mom about it this morning (July 3, 2011) and she confirmed the notion that her kids were much better people than she and Ross. So what was it about their "parent styles" that created an environment in which we kids could grow?

They did not lecture us. Rather, they led by example. They took us to church, they did not just send us to meetings. They gave us choices, such as, "Are you fasting today?"

When I was about seventeen I had a bit of an attitude. Dad was reading the paper, Mom was doing the dishes. I announced that I had decided not to go on a mission. There was no movement whatsoever. Dad kept reading the paper, Mom continued with the dishes. Mom said, "That's fine, if that is what you want to do. We wouldn't want you to go on a mission if you did not want to. You are old enough to make those kinds of decisions."

Rats! I got no response from them. No drama, no weeping and wailing, not even a small gnashing of teeth. I spent a few days thinking about it, and then decided what I wanted to do.

Dad was reading the paper, Mom was washing the dishes. "I've decided that I am going to go on a mission. "That's fine, if that is what you want to do. We will support you in whatever decision you make. You are old enough to make this kind of decision." There was no break in the steady reading of the paper, and the cleaning of the dishes continued. There was no question in their confidence in my decision-making ability.

One of our pet names for Dad was "Papa sahn," which we adapted from the fact that he had served in Japan after the war. It was a term of respect, yet a term of endearment. We sometimes referred to Mom as "Mama sahn," but not very often.

Being a former school teacher, Dad was big on speaking language correctly. We would often discuss adventures in grammar heard during monthly testimony meetings. Dad would say, "Don't say, I haven't went to town." Once he asked one of the ward members why he didn't go to the temple with them. The man said, "If I'd a know'd I coulda go'd, I woulda rode." It was one of Dad's favorite stories. Another time he was in school when the teacher was having the kids conjugate verbs. The first verb was "Ride." One of the students said, "Ride, rode, ridden." The next student was one of Dad's friends. The verb was "Dive." The kid said, "Dive, dove, diven!"

Earlier in my teen years there was much talk in public schools about sex education. I mentioned to Mom once that she had never sat me down and told me the "facts of life." She just smiled and said, "All you need to know is that people are much better looking with their clothes on than they are with them off." The older I get, the more that wisdom is confirmed.

Dad did not speak negatively of my friends, though some were of questionable reputation. One day out by the garage he asked a very straightforward question, catching me off guard. My startled look and lack of what to say convicted me. Dad studied me and then said, "I'm not going to say anything, I just want you to know that I know." He then walked back into the garage. I would have felt better if he had given me a lick. Disappointing him was torture. I quit running with that crowd thanks to some very effecting parenting.

Dad often said to the grandkids, "How you doing, Tiger." When the boys went on their missions, each was told by Dad, "Go get 'em, Tiger." Shortly before Dad's passing I was with him in the hospital. He was connected to a host of tubes and monitors and was tired of being in bed. I commented that he was still The Tiger. He chuckled and said, "I'm as weak as a pussycat." I reminded him that he was, and always would be The Tiger. Go get 'em, Tigers! You were taught by the best.

Margie, Young Adult Photo Gallery

Above, Margie is shown with a friend, LeVoy Udy. She mentioned the Udy's very often in her journals. Most of these pictures were taken after she left home and went to work at the Utah Depot.

Margie loved going out with the girls and was a good bowler. She said she was not worried about being single at the age of 24, when most of the other girls were already hitched. She said, "I didn't give a hoot." She is pictured on the far left with her bowling buddies.






Still, there was time to go back home and visit. Here, someone threw open the door of the outhouse and Margie can be seen covering her face. She is also seen here taking a snooze in the front room of Grandma Ward's house.

Margie was voted Queen of the Gold and Green Ball. She is seen here with her Court on February 25, 1939. Taken at the Stake Green and Gold Ball. Attendants were Amanda Ward and Melva Davis. Train Bearers were Mary Jensen and Sheron Hales. Flower Girls were Connie Forsberg and Diana Bournes (spelling ?), and the Crown Bearer was Vaughn Tingey.





Margie loved to go places, especially with her friends. Swimming was a favorite. In the first swimming photo, she is second from the left. In the following, she is third from the left.

Somebody's Mother

Grandma Shirley (Margie) loved poetry. Many times she would recite poetry to me that she had memorized years ago. Her scrapbooks are filled with poetry she had collected over the years. She recited to me many lines from Poe's The Raven, and also The Rime of the Ancient Mariner. I spent the day with her today, Saturday, April 8, 2011. At the age of 89 she quoted the entire poem Somebody's Mother. When she finished her eyes were moist with teams and her voice slightly chocked with emotion. It was obvious how much feeling this poem held for her. Perhaps more than I can realize:

Somebody’s Mother, by Mary Dow Brine

The woman was old and ragged and gray

And bent with the chill of the winter's day.

The street was wet with the recent snow,

And the woman's feet were aged and slow.

Alone, uncared for, amid the throng

Of human beings who passed her by,

Nor heeded the glance of her anxious eye.

Down the street with laughter and shout.

Glad in the freedom of "school let out,

"Came the boys like a flock of sheep,

Hailing the snow piled white and deep.

Past the woman so old and gray

Hastened the children on their way,

Nor offered a helping hand to her,

So meek, so timid, afraid to stir,

Lest the carriage wheels or the horses' feet

Should crowd her down in the slippery street.

At last came one of the merry troop,

The gayest laddie of all the group;

He paused beside her and whispered low,

"I'll help you across if you wish to go."

Her aged hand on his strong young arm

She placed, and so, without hurt or harm,

He guided her trembling feet along,

Proud that his own were firm and strong.

Then back again to his friends he went,

His young heart happy and well content.

"She's somebody's mother, boys, you know,

For all she's aged and poor and slow;

"And I hope some fellow will lend a hand

To help my mother, you understand,

If ever she's poor and old and gray,

When her own dear boy is far away."

And "somebody's mother" bowed low her head

In her home that night, and the prayer she said

Was, "God be kind to the noble boy

Who is somebody's son and pride and joy."

Grandma Ward

Mina Ward was an identical twin. She married and had a daughter, Rayola. The man she married decided he would go to California and obtain work there. He would send for her later. My mother said, "I guess he forgot." Mina met and married Grandpa Ward and they started their family. Grandpa Ward was a "day-laborer, so he was always looking for work. Grandma did what she could to keep the family fed. Grandpa knew the scriptures well. He was also ward clerk for many years. At the same time he had a problem with tobacco. Mom said, "He never smoked in front of us kids." She said he would go outside into the outhouse for his "necessities." The first photo shows Grandma Ward. The caption on the back says, "Mina at Margie's place, 1950."

This is Margie.

This photo shows Grandma Ward holding Dale, at 7 weeks of age. Did you notice a third person in the photo? To their right and to the bottom of the photo is Neal, age 15 months.

This is Grandma holding Dale at 5 months of age.

This is Grandma holding me (Scott).

This is a five generation photo. It shows Phebe (Grandpa Ward's mother, who was a second wife), Art (Grandpa Eberhardt Ward), Rayola (Mom's older sister, known as Ray), her daughter Betty, and her son. The photo was taken in June, 1952.

To give an idea of Mina's personality, I am including some correspondence between her and Mom. I left as much of the spelling and punctuation as possible:

Dear Margie and Ross, I am taking a chance that you may be getting your mail. My thoughts are with you all the time since I heard of the awful flood. The pictures on the T.V. nearly makes a person sick and I guess to see the real things are still worse. I sure hope you can reach your home and find some things that you can redeem. It is tragic but I am so grateful that your family are all safe. The life of one member would be worse than it is now. I hope you are not making yourselves sick worrying. Just plan on coming out OK. I sure hope you are accepting aid from the church and red cross and in the end get some money from the government who seem to be to blame. They are such liars, there's no telling what they will do.

We have had a real hot day today. It keeps me busy running the hose on my garden and flowers. I haven't heard from any of the kids for a day or two and I am sure they are all thinking about you. If there is any thing I can do or any thing that I have that you may need please tell me. I forgot to give you your plum preserve also a bottle of dill pickles and rheubarb. I don't know how to spell it but you will know what I mean. Tuesday. I got this far last evening then decided to go to bed. I have been out this morning looking to see if my vegetables had grown another leaf. It is cloudy so we may get some rain to-day.

Max Anderson's wife called me Sunday to hear what I knew about you and the flood. I ask her if she was the lady that ask about you when she saw me in Tremonton and she said no, so I don't know who it was that talked to me and ask about you when I was in Tremonton so that shows that you have friends around our valley. I am fine I don't know just what I will do today but it will be some thing. By the looks of the T.V. pictures there is a lot of mud for some one to shovel out. I hope your house still stands and that I could help you clean up. I imagine some one will come to your aid.

The other day when Gwen called she said she was coming up one day this week and take me to a show then stay here over night. I hope I hear from you before she comes and besides I am not interested in night life. I would rather go to bed. It is real good of her to do it but young folks don't realize that old people have lost interest in such things. Maybe not all old folks but I sure am past enjoying such things especially a picture show. I never did care of them. I would rather lay on the bed and watch T.V. Well I guess this is all for now. I hope you two are taking care of yourselves. I need all my kids. Thanks for all the nice things you do for me. Love to all. Mom. Please excuse mistakes and read this as it should be. Wish I could help you.

New Letter: I got my new colored T.V. and love it but I am half afraid to use it because it has snow looking dots on it. I am waiting until Paul comes up some time and take care of it. I daresen't mess with it and I wouldn't let any one else. I put it on for one show and then use my radio. Margie after talking to you the other day nothing has happened around so this will sure be a short note. I will keep thinking until some one comes so I can mail this. Take care of yourselves. You sounded good the other day. Hope Ross is OK also all your kids and grand kids.